Its Spring, After a Dark Winter

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I have not written a single article or post in ten years, not one - no reflections, no thoughts that I wanted to explore further to see where they take me, no day dreams, nothing... de nada... where have I been you may ask? Well I  have been trapped in the digital dungeons trying to keep up with the fear of missing out. Endless scrolls of Facebook posts which condition your mind with trivial pursuits and information mostly amounting to nothing and yet I spent hours and hours on it seeing how to make a million things with pizza dough and a lot of exercise and fitness videos and transformation stories. Have I gained extraordinary culinary skills or the body of my dreams? Well of course not! Except perhaps for some occasional cooking experiments and a even rarer attempts to move  my arms and legs in a sequence from a YouTube video which I promptly abandoned after a day or two!

I have spent hours and hours probably adding up to a year of motivational and spiritual talks and yet remain safely distanced from enlightenment and that special day which would change my life forever. I loved reading and since my childhood, I have devoured many a book and yet I have not read a single book in the last seven or eight years, I have several half read and many unread books lining my bookshelf and some more on kindle and every night I look at them wistfully as one would on lost youth and sigh and check my Instagram feed and some tarot card readings on YouTube which promise my life w ill change in the coming three months!

And then came spring! Nicely packaged as COVID19 which kind of pushed me into thinking WTF am I doing with my life? My life will not change unless I move my butt (literally as well), my dungeon is showing signs of cracks and maybe just a ray of light is seeping in. I am taking baby steps back into the real world which I once enjoyed where I wrote, painted, sang and worked (and cleaned my home). Where I went for walks, met friends, traveled and discovered such wonders, where I sat at communal tables in Florence and made friends with people next to me, where I guided lost and weary tourists frantically trying to find the right metro line to board in Paris,  where a painting in the Louvre moved me to tears, where I gaze out on the green expanse of green fields and blue skies from my balcony which is a wonder in it's self in a crowded, polluted and bustling city.

I am hopeful that I will break my walls, I will be free and I will live to see another day where there is more light and love...

If i don't, well there is always YouTube...

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