Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Loosing and Discovering my Father

My Father passed away when I was eleven years old; I remember foggily that in the morning he complained about chest pain when I was leaving for school. When I came back my mother told me that he was no more, I predictably broke down but at that age the comprehension levels are rather low. I felt that he had just gone away on one of his office tours and would be back after a very long time, perhaps I was more upset about not being able to celebrate my birthday which was just next week because we had made grand plans for it. I feel awful putting this down on paper as I am admitting to being selfish, insensitive and a low life by admitting that it was my lost birthday I was crying over rather than my Father's death.

I was the adored daughter, special and pampered, my every wish was fulfilled and I was given the best of everything by my Father. Before the childish affection could grow into a relationship, my Father passed away so I never really knew him as a person. After his death I never had the opportunity to miss him as life took another course which took a great deal of adjustment and I was busy adjusting and dealing with adolescence.

Much later when I was working, I had to do some project work I met some people who knew my Father and I casually mentioned that I was the daughter of so and so. I did not expect the many good things people said about him, it was a revelation as I never really had a chance to learn about his professional side. During Durga Puja, my friend's father would specially introduce me as so and so's daughter. It was really touching to see the amount of respect people had for him as a person. We are not really a very close knit family but when I meet the extended family once in a while, I discover other bits and pieces, his love for cooking, his knowledge of Urdu, his writings, his paintings and so on.

Maybe had he lived we would have been good friends...

12 comments:

The Comic Project said...

:-|
It is quite a horrible age to lose someone. You haven't known the person well enough, at the same time, the attachment cannot be denied. Over the years, the memories fade away where we have to remember to remember them. And to grow up thinking "what could've been"!!! Glad you found people who could tell you about him :-) Cheers chatterbai - your words made me stop and read..again.

indianpeppone said...

I usually never am... but I am speechless now... This post does make me analyze my paternal relationship..... Good one dear

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Perhaps I should start writing notes to the person my daughter will be. If we have time together when she's grown, we can read them together. Otherwise ...

J.A.P.

BlondebutBright said...

Thanks for sharing this very touching story. It must be wonderful to discover your father again as an adult - sort of a coming of age. My dad is still closely in my life but it's always heart-warming to hear other people speak of him positively (which they often do!).

Albatross said...

Touching...
Can't come up with any other words than "Cheer up" !
Thanks for sharing this....

Sue said...

My father's around and about and we invariably get into each others' hair. But I know his relationship with my daughter will be a completely different thing, and I hope that'll help me come to terms with the bundle of contradictions that is that man.

ichatteralot said...

@TCP: I was always against the idea of remembering people who are no more but when one unexpectedly discovers things here and there it proves that one cant really erase people because an incident was painful

@Indianpeppone: Ah well ... do that :)

@JAP: Talking to your children helps and now the kids are much brighter than they were 30 years back

@Blondebutright: True, getting to know him now has been really pleasant

@Albatross: I am cheerful as always - just a passing emotional moment...

@Sue: True - think you'll discover a completely new aspect :)

kausum said...

I and my dad were the best of friends. He and I were never father and son but 2 friends until he passed away when I was around 15 yrs. Till today sometimes I reflect on the past and still miss him.

This post made me reflect on my dad as he was, as I hear from my dad's friends. It echoes some of the same emotions I have had but never dared to write.

Ankit said...

Sorry to hear tht u lost ur father at such a tender age.

Still the memories are always sweet and touching

Shreyansh said...

Touching indeed!!

Now this might sound a bit weird but see if you can get and watch the movie
'Elizabethtown'. I am writing this cuz what you wrote reminds me of this movie.
It is about how a man discovers about a lot of relationships and his father during a memorial following the demise of his father.It is about this and a lot more.
A very simple movie, it is one of my favourites.
See if you can watch it sometime.

marshmallow said...

thanks for sharing the story. maybe your dad and you would have been good friends indeed.

anon_iitian said...

Life is a wonderful thing. And this world never stops for some one. But there are some people who leave sweet memories.

What will be left of us would also be memories. Gabbar singh or Jai is for us to decide:)
enjoy life
ak